cheesy.... but true.

this week has really been a week of reflection... cheesy but its true and its been a really good week. so this week i had the worst numbers that ive had so far in my mission and the worst that i will have for the rest of my mission too. i dont care about the numbers but more how i felt this week and the numbers just solidified it for me last night when we had to turn them in. i really would like to blame this week and how unfocused i was on other people and situations that have happened, but i cant i know that it is only because of me and that i have a ton of things i need to change and fix to be a better missionary and to feel that i am doing my all to be the best that i can and follow the Lord.

i sat down last night and made a ton of goals for this week that will help me to be better and to feel like i am giving my all. this morning while i was eating breakfast i was reading some conference talks and found a talk that i really love. its called finding strength in challenging times by elder allan f. packer. in it he quotes elder dallan h. oaks about testimonies... "a testimony of the gospel is a personal witness borne to our souls by the Holy Ghost that certain facts of eternal significance are true and that we know them to become." then he used another quote from elder oaks that says, "testimony is to know and feel, conversion is to do and to become." wow. when i read this a wave of inspiration and a little bit like Heavenly Father was hitting me upside the head to say hello chauntelle, you need to apply this! this is why you arent having the success you would like and know you can have here!... it is such a basic concept (hello, welcome to the gospel of Jesus Christ) and yet its so difficult to really apply and live it! I know i have a testimony of missionary work and how much it can change and help people in their lives! ive seen it happen many, many times before my mission and during. i have a testimony and i need to be converted to this work! i need to really truly be converted to the point that i cant afford to not open my mouth about the gospel, that i cant afford to think about something else thats not involved in this work. its the same for all of us... maybe directly with the gospel or maybe with a specific principle, like missionary work, we all know that its true and we have all felt the spirit testify about it one time or another... but we still doubt, we still hesitate... we havent recieved a true conversion.

well, onto the lighter stuff that happened this week... um... actually maybe isnt too much lighter... but last week ( i forgot to write about it last week) we were teaching Ilidia (the deaf lady we baptized) and Irma Nkutxi was trying to teach her and Ilidia couldnt understand her. It happens all the time... Ilidia cant understand people, she couldnt understand speigle very well also... but for some reason she can understand me when i speak. always. I know that she is the reason (or one of the reasons) that i was sent here to odivelas. when i was told that i was to leave miratejo back in may i was really sad and kinda bitter to be here in odivelas, to leave my investigators and recent converts that i had grown to love, but really i love it here. i love ilidia and i know that Heavenly Father sent me here to help her, to answer her prayers. it is such a great feeling to know that Heavenly Father used me to help one of his children. I was thinking about this yesterday when we were climbing a mountain in the hot sticky heat and i sarted to think... freak, i wish i was sitting in my pool right now... a thought came into my head that what am i saying. i dont want to be in my pool i want to be right here on this mountain in a long thick nasty skirt carrying books and pamphlets and water like a pack mule, yeah its not the funnest situation but it is SOOO worth it. I had the thought the worth of ONE soul is great in the sight of God. Heavenly Father loves each of us individually that he would two missionaries to search for days maybe weeks talking to tons of people teaching tons of people, and most of them dont want anything... but then we find that ONE that is looking and praying for the gospel. That one then makes all that work soooo worth it! Yeah, ive had some hard times on the mish, ive been sick and i started to complain and think about why i was really here in portugal and not at home doing other stuff... but then i think about the people that ive helped, the people that have accepted the gospel and how it has changed their lives... how it has helped them so much... and then all those stupid thoughts of the stuff that i went through (which really arent anything at all) seem like nothing. this work is so rewarding to be apart of! I love this work and i love all the people that i have come in contact with. there are people that didnt accept the gospel and it breaks my heart, but i know that i planted a seed... i know that right now thats all they could handle... thats all i needed to do for that person, but i still love them just as much as the people that accepted and entered into the fold.

i know this gospel is true. i know that i am where i am for a reason, as are all of us. remember, the worth of one soul is great in the sight of God.

love you all,

irma graf